North Korea, Best Korea!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
