so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
