I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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