I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is the high leading the old right now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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