There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
