i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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