I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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