she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
