i wish there were pregnant emoticons
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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