This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
