He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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