I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Less talking, more tequila
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
