You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
