we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
