It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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