i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
