11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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