I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
