If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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