I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
