this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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