did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
