ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
