don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
