God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
