Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
