I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
