Screwed.edu
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
