Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
