Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
