remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
