I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
