This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
