We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
