Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
