You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
