You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
