fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
