if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
