they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
