Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
