My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
40s are totally the cure
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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