you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
