Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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