the new term for farting is butt boxing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm like, not good at living.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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