Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
