I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your cock deserves a montage
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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