idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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