he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
