the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
