We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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