I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
