walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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