I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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