Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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