So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
